i walked into urban outfitters yesterday and not only did i realize how poor i am, i realized how un-stylish i am. my wolf shirt, cut of jeans, and toms weren't doing it for me.  ah, how i wish i owned/could pull off every item of clothing in that store.

yesterday, trent and i spent the day in salt lake and after a random turn of events that involved dehydration, crutches, and some spewing, we changed our original plans of t-pain for temple square.  probably a very good decision.  we talked to the sister missionaries and it convinced me even more of how much i want to serve a mission (please heavenly father, don't let marriage get in the way of these plans).  I want so desperately to serve, learn about, and grow closer to the lord.  and who knows, maybe that will happen while i am in ukraine, or maybe it will happen while back in hawaii but, a mission would absolutely rock.

i know i talk about this a lot and it's probably because i have finally made the transition from dating premies into the wonderful world of dating returned missionaries (dun, dun, dun)... 
but...

i really cannot emphasis how unready and unprepared i am for marriage and/or steady dating.
people my age are getting married, boys i date talk about what they want in a wife or future family.
toto, i am not in young woman's anymore.  GOSH, I AM IN A SINGLES WARD and that in and of itself freaks me out. every last one of those boys has marriage tattooed on their foreheads.  they know what they want and they are going to get it.  and let me tell you, i also know what i want and it does not include being tied down.

i am going back to hawaii, i am going to finish as much school as possible, i am going to ukraine to teach english, i want to go on a mission, i want to intern with TOMS, i want to go to the philippines and help build a school, i want to go to sun valley with porter when he gets home, i want to run a marathon, i want to go to norway and sweden with my family, i want to have a stable job, i want to develop my talents...

and someday, someday i will find the man for whom i will give up all my selfish independence and pride for.

and so, in order to detract from the seriousness of this post, in the words of lupe fiasco:

"i'mma keep it cool, i'mma do me...it is what it is and that's how it's gonna be".

until i get there.