musings on happiness

The past few months have been very surreal.  At the beginning of May, I broke up with my boyfriend of over year and a half.  It was an event that at one point in my life, seemed unfathomable. But, it happened, it was right and the decision to call things off made my soul feel light and brought me back to a reality that I had been removed from for a long time.  The month of May was filled with laughter, adventures, smiles and gratitude.  For the fist time, in a long time, I felt whole.  I was going swimming at night, I was listening to my kind-of music, I was making silly jokes, and dancing crazy.   I became "McKenzie" again.  June took me to San Clemente, San Francisco, Utah, and then Switzerland.   My life is literally tripping me out (pun intended).

I am having life-changing experiences, meeting the most amazing people, and I am learning so much.  I have been on a constant cloud nine.  But, the other night, for some stupid reason, I was sad.  I was upset about an instance that doesn't deserve all the time or thought I am putting into it.  It was a weak moment of mine where I let someone else's actions get the best of me.  While at dinner, I vented about the circumstance to my boss and I was set on returning to my room to sulk about the situation which was (and still is) miles out of my reach and control.  Everyone else was going to the city, everyone else was going to have fun but at that moment, all I wanted to do was turn on some angsty music and stare at the ceiling in sorrow.

Then it hit me.

I am currently living out one of my dreams by living in Europe.

"What the $%#^% do I have to be sad about?!"

So, at that moment, I made a choice: I am going to be happy and I am going to be positive.  I am always going to be happy and I am always going to be positive.

Happiness is a choice.  Happiness is the people we choose to surround ourselves with, the experiences we choose to have, and the attitudes we culminate. Over the past few days, weeks and months, this fact has become more evident to me than ever.  It's the law of attraction-- positivity influences positivity. Simple as that.

My good friend Taylor wrote an incredible and thought-provoking blog post the other day about how we often use social media to give off the impression that our lives are perfect.  It really made me think and reevaluate how I portray myself. One of my goals in life is to be real, both in person and on my social media facets.  Although I tend to always write about the happy times in my life, here I am, here is the real me-- my hair is a lions mane.  I will never be considered a fashionista.  I rarely cook and when I do, I eat unhealthy.  I pick at my nails and I have blemishes on my face.  I don't take national-geographic worthy photographs or play the guitar like Jimmy Hendrix.  And let's be honest, my spanish could use some work.  Now, I am not saying this all to throw a pity party or to receive validation but, I want to demonstrate the fact that I am not perfect.  I have things that I am working on and areas that need improvement.  But, people, I am ok with that.  I love my life, I honestly do.

I have had my trials and I have my insecurities.  I recognize that there will always be hardships and challenges to overcome and life isn't always sunshine, lollipops and rainbows.  But, I have learned (and maybe the hard way) that although I may not be able to choose what happens to me in life I can always choose my reaction.  I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel a little upset or anxious about the incident I mentioned above but, when I look around, I am overwhelmed at how much the Lord has given me.  I feel so blessed.

There is a quote from the movie, Into the Wild that says, "happiness is only real when shared." I wish I could adequately express my happiness and I wish I could properly share all the joy that is in my heart.