On Womanhood

Don't get me wrong, I am all about the empowerment of women!  I detest any justifications that surround the objectification that happens all too often.  I hate it.  I almost cried after viewing the Volkswagen commercial that played during the SuperBowl and I cheered when the commercial for GoldiBlox came on.  Women are amazing, capable, beautiful, talented and strong and I am so thankful to be numbered among them.  If you haven't tried womanhood out, you have to, because it is awesome!

Besides many of my emotions and thought processes, I differ significantly from my male counterparts and I truly believe that, "gender is an essential characteristic of individual pre-mortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose".  I have hips, breasts, and hormones that make me uniquely different.  And for that I am grateful. Besides these biological differences there are quite a few distinctions within my religion between males and females.  Recently, these distinctions have caused me to think and ponder on my sacred role as a woman.

I have yet to go through the temple, I am not a mother and I am not ordained to the priesthood but, I believe whole-heartedly that I have a sacred calling and mission.

I am a woman and I have the capability to bare children. I have the power to become a mother, something that men, biologically, will never be able to do or be.  When the time comes for my future husband and I to start a family, I will be connected to life at a level I can not even fathom.  Even now, I bleed so that one day I will be able to sustain and nurture a life outside of my own.  I will feel pain in order to bring life into the world.  I will ache and cry so that another human being can know joy, happiness, sadness, trials, and laughter.  If that isn't symbolic of Christ and His Atonement, I don't know what is.  My pondering has made me realize the importance of my role as a woman in building The Kingdom of God.  It is incredible and very powerful!

This blog post is simple. I know there are certain differences between myself and the men of this world and the men of my religion.  However, I am so thankful for these divine differences!  What a blessing it is to be different.  We balance each other out and help refine each other's character.  We are here to support and sustain each other as brothers and sisters.  I have never felt left out or neglected by God or the men who hold the priesthood--I have only felt uplifted and blessed and for that I am fortunate.  I am grateful for righteous and worthy men who lead and guide me and I am forever indebted to faithful women who do the same-- women of God who have raised me, served me and loved me.  

I don't know the meaning of all things but I know that God does everything in wisdom and order.  I have no reason to doubt, question or change the way He chooses to work and bless my life.  I am thankful for the experiences that help me understand my divine potential and I am grateful for the tools the Lord has given me to help me reach it.

My mother and I circa 1992.
The greatest mom and best example to me of a righteous & faithful woman. 

"When we understand the magnitude of motherhood, it becomes clear why prophets have been so protective of woman’s most sacred role. While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living”  —and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed pre-mortally with the privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us."

Are We Not All Mothers, Sheri Dew

Hospital Beds

I sat there, staring at the painting that hung on the wall in front of me.  He lay beside me, drifting in and out of sleep, his swollen fingers tapping on the pile of pillows that supported his broken wrist.

I saw the whole thing happen.  In a matter of seconds our plans had changed and we were rushing off to the emergency room. I watched as the doctor straightened out the crooked bone and I waited as they placed a metal plate inside his lower arm.  "It could have been worse", the nurses told me.  They have seen commas, paralysis and even death.

When I arrived home that evening, every emotion I had suppressed appeared and I cried.

I cried because it could have been worse.

For whatever reason, he was safe and for whatever reason, others weren't.  I thought about our Saturday night plans and the fact that his cast will be off in a few short weeks.  I began to pray for those who rush into the ER not knowing whether or not their loved one will come out alive.

The day after the accident, I spent the day by his side.  In all honesty, he didn't need me there but, I needed him and I needed the reminders that can only come from laying in a hospital bed next to someone whose pain you know will end, but whose pain you would do anything to take away.

I needed to see the young couple rushing through the hospital doors-- her belly about to pop, his hands carrying the diaper bag they would be needing in a few short hours.  I needed to see the face of the elderly women laying sick in the bedroom two doors down.  As I noticed these ladies, I couldn't help but realize that in due time, I will be in both of their shoes.  It made me wonder what I will make of my life until I reach those moments.  Of the many lessons I have learned this weekend, I have come to understand the importance of living life to its fullest.  Life will change and inevitably (just as this weekend proved) so will my plans, but happiness comes from learning to enjoy life and from not living in fear of the negative occurring.

Over the past 48 hours I have become insanely aware of my gratitude for this thing called life.  Although I wasn't the one in pain, I count modern medicine, caring physicians, and a body that functions and heals as a few of my greatest blessings. I am thankful for the moments which remind me that I am alive and most importantly I am grateful for friends, family, and faith that make my life worth living.

Although it could have been worse, life couldn't get any better.

On Seeking Adventure

This past summer was life changing and I can't adequately express how I have grown because of the experiences I had.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about the memories which were made. My heart aches to return to the cobble-stone streets of Europe--where vendors sale their crepes, gelato and postcards.  I dream of taking long train rides and visiting castles and cathedrals.  But, it isn't the architecture, art, or baguettes and pastries that influence my longing-- It is the people.

I long to sit with these familiar faces, talk story and share experiences with them.  I long for adventure--not only of the body or mind but of the spirit and heart.  I crave the type of escapades that make me a better person and open my eyes to new perspectives and ideas.  As I search for these moments, I realize adventure is all around me: a drive up the canyon, a quiet conversation with a friend, reading a book, or developing a new talent.  I've have also come to understand that there is a certain beauty and joy that can only come from searching for these times of growth and excitement. 

Whatever the adventure is, I will always seek it.  Wherever the adventure is, I will always find it.

Removing the Mask

Last week I bought an old polaroid camera at a thrift store.  When I used it for the first time I knew that there was a chance that the camera would not work or the film would not develop properly.  When the camera ejected the film for the first time, I waited anxiously to see if the image had been successfully captured.  Thirty minutes went past before I accepted the fate of that single photograph.   

At first I was disappointed about the image but as I looked at it, I began to find beauty in the failed snapshot.  At the top of the photo you can see the tips of the snow-covered mountains which are part of the Wasatch Mountain Range.  If the image had developed properly your eyes could see the blue ice and cold water which covers part of the canyon wall.  But, Bridal Veil Falls is hidden behind a black mass of broken film, leaving one to wonder what lies beneath.  

If you were told that behind that dark and foggy bulk there is one of the most attractive scenes you could ever imagine, you may not believe it.

Growing up my mother could make spiritual metaphors out of almost anything.  As I stared at the image above I began to think of my life and how often I over look the beauty that may lie behind a layer of imperfection.  How often do I judge someone based on what I see up front?  How much could I benefit from the understanding that behind the mask there is elegance and splendor beyond compare?

This past weekend I have had multiple experiences which have brought me closer to comprehending the love that God has for each of his children.  How incredible would life be if we could always see the potential, talent, and goodness which each person brings to the table?

I  have a firm testimony that we are all Sons and Daughters of God but I often forget this simple fact.  Time and time again I find myself comparing and competing with others instead of acknowledging this truth.  

As the new year begins I am thankful for the reminders I am given of each individual's worth. I am grateful that God allows me to relearn and rediscover this truth and I appreciate what these experiences teach me. As each day unfolds, I find myself understanding more and more the importance of removing the negative filters that hide us from the humanity of others. Doing so allows us to draw closer to God and makes life more exquisite and full.

The Moments I Can Not Forget

I remember walking along the beach with my friend one morning.  The sun had just risen and the sky was a warm hue of tangerine.  When my feet made contact with the sand, they left sloshy imprints; the movement of the ocean foam removed every mark, leaving no sign of a previous pathway.  As typical, our conversation moved towards what was becoming of our lives.

What is becoming of my life?

I am finishing up my final semester of my undergraduate career.  It's moments like these which influence me to reflect on the person I have become and the person I desire to be.  

The past three years have been full of growth.  I have learned so much and have changed immensely. 

I have learned to love diversity, embrace change, and face trials with more trust and faith in God.  My desire to love and serve has increased as well as my passion for life.  

As much as I have learned, I still have fears and anxieties about the next steps I will be taking in my life.  I have a fear of money, a fear of love, a fear of disappointment, and a fear that I will become trapped in a mundane and mediocre life.  As I was voicing this same sentiments to my friend, she shared with me this quote by Amelia Earhart:

"The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward."

Our fears are paper tigers!  The imagery painted by this statement is incredible.  Paper can be crumpled, burnt, ripped to pieces, and blown away.  Realizing that the same can be said about my irrational fears, is empowering.  And it will be done.  As long as I am able to let go of them, I am free to do whatever I desire.  

I will continue to travel, serve and love.  I will get married, raise a family and build a beautiful life.  It will be exemplary and one-of-kind.  

My fears are paper tigers.  

And with every step forward, the fears of the past will be washed away just as the changing tide erased my footsteps in the sand that beautiful morning almost three months ago.

The morning with the rising sun and the tangerine colored sky. 

in my head

I've been thinking about the ocean and why it is the only thing I know how to write about.

I've been thinking about travel and a lot about change.

I've been thinking about freedom and complete independence.

I've been thinking about memories while staring at the stars.

I've been thinking about what it means to feel and how it is to be alive.

How it is to be alive!

Photo Credit: Emma Erickson, Good Company

luck & life

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” The Dalai Lama

This statement has been proven true many times in my life.  In fact, over and over again, I have realized how irrational my wants truly are.   Years ago, on a family vacation to Hawaii, we were driving around a small town on the island of Kauai trying to decide what and where to eat.  After listing multiple suggestions my dad slowly stated, "A salad sounds good. That's what I want.  That's what I need."  So, my dad had a salad that night.  The statement, as simple as it was has remained a family joke ever since.

I enter a store with my mom and spot the cutest pair of heels I have ever seen--"Mom, these are perfect!  They are what I want.  They are what I need."  And, I leave the store with a new pair of shoes. 

Being the only daughter in my family, this trick often works with my parents but, real life isn't the same.  I believe in God and I believe he knows more than I do, what I want and what I need.  He has also taught me that my wants and needs are two completely different things.   So, as I sit here, writing this blog post, wanting a certain boy to contact me, wanting to be back in Europe, and wanting to know what I will do after I graduate, I understand that sometimes, the salad dressing may be too oily and the shoes may be the wrong size.