My First Love

  Not a day goes by that I don't think about these green mountains.  

Four months is too long to be away from their towering protection.

Acutely Aware

"Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted."

Sylvia Plath

On Seeking Adventure

This past summer was life changing and I can't adequately express how I have grown because of the experiences I had.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about the memories which were made. My heart aches to return to the cobble-stone streets of Europe--where vendors sale their crepes, gelato and postcards.  I dream of taking long train rides and visiting castles and cathedrals.  But, it isn't the architecture, art, or baguettes and pastries that influence my longing-- It is the people.

I long to sit with these familiar faces, talk story and share experiences with them.  I long for adventure--not only of the body or mind but of the spirit and heart.  I crave the type of escapades that make me a better person and open my eyes to new perspectives and ideas.  As I search for these moments, I realize adventure is all around me: a drive up the canyon, a quiet conversation with a friend, reading a book, or developing a new talent.  I've have also come to understand that there is a certain beauty and joy that can only come from searching for these times of growth and excitement. 

Whatever the adventure is, I will always seek it.  Wherever the adventure is, I will always find it.

on living and legacies

My grandfather Earle, passed away while I was a sophomore in high school.  It was a hard loss for my family but, his passing was made easier by our shared knowledge of the Everlasting Gospel of Jesus Christ.  The blessings of the temple allow us the peace and comfort of knowing that through righteous living, we will be together as a family again and that the bonds which we created in this life will be perpetuated in the next.  

Today, as I was looking through my mother's Book of Remembrance, I found a letter which my grandpa wrote to her, almost forty years ago.  I couldn't help from crying as memories of his kindness and goodness came flooding back into my heart and mind.  What a humble man and amazing example.

This holiday season, his words spoke to me as if I were sitting with him in my Grandma's kitchen.

"Christmas is a time for giving and a time for sharing.  As your father, I must admit to a sense of sadness at this season.   More than anything this Christmas I suppose I covet the ability to shower my children with the gifts that fulfill the desires of your hearts and then to give each of you additions which you dared not hope for.  The sense of sadness comes in facing reality, in accepting the impossibility of showering each of you with the comforts and extravagances you deserve. As I have contemplated this Christmas, I realize there are things we have as a family which are far more precious than anything we can purchase.  Lynnell, there are feelings inside of me, there is a knowledge I have, there is a security I sense which is greater than the riches of the world or anything else I could give you this Christmas.  I pray that as time goes by these feelings will grow in your heart and become as important to you as they have become to me."

My grandpa found happiness in ham radio and telling stories to his grandchildren.  He would tickle us and tease us until our cheeks were red from laughter or our eyes were red from tears.  He never drove a nice car but loved spending time in nature with his hunting dogs and homing pigeons.  

One of the most important lessons I have learned from this great man is that you don't need to lead an extravagant life in order to leave an extraordinary legacy. 

Love you Grandpa Earle.

orange sky

God was smiling as He painted the most magnificent sunset.

I smiled as the perfect combination of creamsicle orange & coral turned into the softest shade of violet.

The horizon was on fire and so was I.

I floated beneath the vast universe, feeling small and insignificant as the waves lulled me into a trance.

A trance that only the ocean could encourage, a trance that only the ocean could break.

I don't know how long I was suspended there.

All I know is that the sky was the perfect combination of creamsicle orange, coral and the softest shade of violet.

More Water

I adore the way the cotton-candy sky reflects on the surface as the inconsistent sets push me to and fro. 

The sun's last rays drip over the tops of the palm trees as the wind plasters my wet hair to my cheeks.

The grey clouds rolling in whisper promises of more moisture that will fall during the night.  

More moisture, more water.

More water.

something lucky about this place

"there's something good coming, for you and me. 

something good coming, there has to be."

the leaves are falling

"It was like autumn, looking at her.  It was like driving up north to see the colors." Jeffery Eugenides 

welcome october

"October arrived, spreading a damp chill over the grounds and into the castle. Madam Pomfrey, the nurse, was kept busy by a sudden spate of colds among the staff and students.  Raindrops the size of bullets thundered on the castle windows for days on end; the lake rose, the flower beds turned into muddy streams, and Hagrid's pumpkins swelled to the size of garden sheds."

J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets

Photography and the Past

One of my favorite things to do when I am bored is to peruse old photographs.  I love looking at pictures of myself as a child but, even more so, I adore looking through photos of my mother and father and their younger years.  Black and white, Polaroid frames, and sun streaks make me wish that I had been part of a memory that was created more than fifty years ago.  These images make me wonder what inspired the moment to be captured and they give me background to the events that influenced my parents to become who they are today.

I spend a lot of time obsessing over how my photos look.  In fact, I would be willing to bet there are more than one hundred different effects and filters that I could apply to any one of my photos.  But, old photographs, they are real.  They just are.  No one edited them with Afterlight or wondered about the caption that would appear beneath.  And certainly no one gave any thought to the hashtags that would accompany eighty plus "likes".

# they didn't even know what a hashtag was.

Summer Time Sadness

I never fully documented the events which transpired this past summer and I feel that I should-- especially since it was one of the happiest seasons of my life.  The first part of summer was filled with crazy adventures with the bestest of friends.  

One of my favorite memories was our camping excursion to Keiki's Beach.  I can't think of anything better than cuddles and laughs by the warmth of a fire.  And nothing beats laying beneath the stars, waking up to raindrops kissing your face or the sound of the ocean a mere twenty-feet away.

 

Of course, the camping extravaganza was preceded by a trip to Wal-Mart where we stocked up on pop-tarts and bananas.  Besides the essentials, my friend Sean and I found a copy of Nacho Libre for five dollars and an air mattress for twelve-- two of the best purchases I have ever made.

 

Connecting the Dots

I spent my summer in the Swiss Alps, learning and growing in ways I never could have imagined.  I met incredible people and experienced moments that I wish I could have bottled up to keep on my shelf forever.  But, as the saying goes, "nothing gold can stay".  

I remember one afternoon discussing with my fellow interns how strange it was that we had all ended up in Caux.  Someone compared the experience to one of those "connect-the-dot" drawings you find in those cheap coloring books your mom buys for you during your childhood.  

I hated those coloring books-- the paper was scratchy and I thought they smelled odd.  I also disliked the "connect-the-dot" portions of those funny little books.  If I was going to be touching that terrible textured paper, I wanted to be coloring, not trying to figure out what those silly dots meant.  

My friend was right though--life is one giant connect-the-dot page.  And right now, I am staring at that scratchy paper, attempting to understand those little black circles and trying to imagine the image they will create.  As my pen moves forward, the lines that fall behind are beginning to make sense and the image is becoming clear.

"These are the days that must happen to you."  Walt Whitman

Thoughts On Change

When I boarded my plane to Hawaii, the weather was cold and damp.  It was the type of weather that required my favorite flannel and a beanie.  It made my heart ache for cooler temperatures and a scarf around my neck.  The rain clouds had me dreaming of raking leaves, apple cider, and caramels. They made me miss the autumn colors which drip off of the soon-to-be naked trees and the dark evenings that start prematurely and the cold mornings that seem to never end.  I haven't experienced Fall in four years.  I love my beaches, my sunshine and the blue ocean waves but right now, I crave the crisp coolness that enters your lungs when you step outside on a cool Fall day and breath in the change of season that surrounds you.

There is a comfort that comes from living an endless summer.  But, the changes that occur from season to season don't seem to come with as much ease when every day seems to be July 3rd.  Yesterday, I hugged my roommate Abby goodbye.  As we drove her to the airport and as I watched her say her farewells, it was as if it were happening to me.  I was leaving my island home, I was saying goodbye to the water, the green mountains and the friends whom I now call family.  In that moment it hit me that in three months, that will be me. The changes are coming and I can feel them as strongly as I felt the change of temperature when August turned to September.  That drop of a few degrees told me me that Autumn was fast approaching and although I am back in Hawaii where the temperature remains fairly consistent,  I am the leaf about to drop off of the soon-to-be-naked tree.

image via.

definition: chillin'

Another video about my rad friends and our awesome memories.  Surprise, surprise.
I can't get enough of these people.

"Do I really have to graduate or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?"

Asher Roth

no reservations

I have been back from Europe for a week and I have been trying hard to think about how to encapsulate my six-week adventure but, the truth is, no words can describe the experiences I had.

So, until I feel comfortable writing all my thoughts down, I will echo Anthony Bordain's parting words from the finale of the television series, No Reservations.

"If I’m an advocate for anything, it’s to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. The extent to which you can walk in someone else’s shoes or at least eat their food, it’s a plus for everybody."

"Open your mind, get up off the couch, move."

"everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"

If you haven't read the convocation speech which George Saunders delivered at Syracuse University, you should.  He states so simply the importance of being kind without undermining the efforts we should take as individuals to focus on our own growth and personal achievements.

"Do all the other things, the ambitious things – travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers– but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness.  Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial.  That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality – your soul, if you will – is as bright and shining as any that has ever been.  Bright as Shakespeare’s, bright as Gandhi’s, bright as Mother Theresa’s.  Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place.  Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, share its fruits tirelessly."

Damon Winter/The New York Times

patience

“I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” 

Rainer Maria Rilke 

20/20

on repeat

ray bradbury

“If you want to write, if you want to create, you must be the most sublime fool that God ever turned out and sent rambling. You must write every single day of your life. You must read dreadful dumb books and glorious books, and let them wrestle in beautiful fights inside your head, vulgar one moment, brilliant the next. You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads. I wish you a wrestling match with your Creative Muse that will last a lifetime. I wish craziness and foolishness and madness upon you. May you live with hysteria, and out of it make fine stories — science fiction or otherwise. Which finally means, may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world.”