when my words touch your ears

Last year I submitted a photo of mine to a literary journal on campus and it was accepted for publishing.  This year, I submitted another photo and again, it was chosen to be published.  I'm no Ansel Adams but, it's fun knowing that others find beauty in an image that I captured.

"Music Makes It All Good"
Denver, Colorado

I love this photo-- what a simple and profound truth.  I honestly believe that song is a form of prayer.  A friend who comforts us while we rest in the trenches of sorrow or rejoices with us in our happiest moments.  Music conveys emotions that we can't express in any other way.  When I think back on childhood memories, they are accompanied by a unique tune or two.  Music really does make it all good.

So, while you're at it, give this number a listen.

tangent

I received an email yesterday morning informing me of my acceptance to a summer internship in Switzerland.  That was the start of what I know will be a beautiful week as well as a wonderful experience.  

I will be working for Caux- Initiatives of Change.  I'm pretty stoked to say the least.  The company is a Swiss foundation that works "to promote peace, prevent conflicts, build trust and encourage intercultural dialogue and ethical conduct in business."

A lot of people have had doubts about what I am studying but, as I have progressed throughout my undergraduate education, I have realized the importance of what I am learning.  There is nothing more important in life than building a relationship with God and with those we interact with.  I believe that understanding how we interact, communicate, and how we develop meaning are the keys to becoming more Christ-like.  We develop love, charity and empathy through the knowledge of each other.  Call me crazy but, I know we can better build the Kingdom of God when we have a desire to see everyone on this earth as children of God who live and interact with each other based on our own personal beliefs and viewpoints.  

A Zion community requires a people who are "of one heart and one mind".   It disturbs me when I hear how absolute people are in their viewpoints of the world.  My belief is that the gospel is true and that my life should be lived in accordance to that belief.  

I recently read a  a talk by Dalin H. Oaks which really hit home for me.  He says that we should "stop murmuring and build. Remember that one of the worst means of tearing down an individual is slander. It is one of the most poisonous weapons that the evil one uses. Backbiting and evil speaking throw us into the class of malefactors rather than the class of benefactors.”  If we can't love, we "have the spirit of faultfinding, of pointing out the weaknesses and failings of others in a destructive manner, that never comes as the result of the companionship of the Spirit of our Heavenly Father and is always harmful."  I don't mean to say I am perfect at this, because I am not.  But through what I am learning, I am trying harder to realize that everyone has their own path to follow.  It is our job to understand that through our differences we can still find love and respect.

Dalin H. Oaks goes on to say that, "Our Father in Heaven has not compelled us to think the same way on every subject or procedure. As we seek to accomplish our life’s purposes, we will inevitably have differences with those around us—including some of those we sustain as our leaders. The question is not whether we have such differences, but how we manage them. What the Lord has said on another subject is also true of the management of differences with his leaders: “It must needs be done in mine own way.” We should conduct ourselves in such a way that our thoughts and actions do not cause us to lose the companionship of the Spirit of the Lord."  We are to build the Kingdom of God and be "in the world but not of the world".  Understanding our differences and focusing on our similarities, will allow us to come together, build peace and establish Christ's Kingdom.  

"Those who govern their thoughts and actions solely by the principles of liberalism or conservatism or intellectualism cannot be expected to agree with all of the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ. As for me, I find some wisdom in liberalism, some wisdom in conservatism, and much truth in intellectualism—but I find no salvation in any of them."

Our job is to lift, build, serve and "love our neighbor as ourself".  I'm thankful that my understanding of this topic is growing through my studies.  I'm excited for the opportunity I will have this summer to continue on my own path of progression and becoming more like my Savior Jesus Christ.

i'll blog because i want to

i recently got into the series the walking dead so, my thoughts are plagued with zombies.

tonight bobby and i put off our adult-like responsibilities, kicked back and watched a few episodes-- we're both hooked.

(thanks brother kester for the new addiction)

at our ward fhe halloween party, we were required to participate in childish and slightly embarrassing dress-up games.  i've always been uncomfortable with these sorts of things--don't ask why.

although it wasn't exactly my cup-o'-tea, my roommates had me laughing real hard.

 

at least it isn't mono

the other day i had a break down in my professor's office.  i felt sick, stressed and very overwhelmed-- overwhelmed because my body hurt, my throat was tight, there were piles of grading yet to be completed, mid-terms, i had just been called as the second counselor in the relief society, and there are rails that still need to be installed at the skate park.

i kept telling brother ford over and over again that my life was good and that i was fine. i've been telling myself (and everyone around me) that i am "good" and that things are "fine". mid conversation, he stopped me and asked "mckenzie, is it fine, is it really good?"

i then admitted to feeling crumby, to wanting sleep, and to having no desire to grade.  i admitted to weakness, which was really hard for me to do.  i like feeling invincible and i like feeling in control.  in the peacebuilding program i am in, we learn about a few different mindsets that lead us toward war within ourselves.  my dominant mindset is this idea of being seen as something i am not.  i have to be tough, indestructible, on-top of things, organized, and useful.  i am too proud to accept help, to stubborn to admit fragility.

as i sat crying in brother ford's office he taught me a valuable lesson.  he taught me the importance of accepting the service of others.  as i tried to turn down his offer of help, i was betraying everything i have learned in my peacebuilding classes.  we are our brother's keeper and the purpose of this life is to serve and love.  by turning down his help, i would be taking away his opportunity to serve and fulfill one of god's greatest commandments.

just as i try to watch out for my brothers and sisters, there are people surrounding me who are willing and able to offer assistance at the drop of a hat.  i have seen this manifest in countless ways the past few days.

bobby who held me as a i cried, biked me home, gave me nyquil, and tucked me into bed
parents who offered love and encouragement over the phone
denise who bought me herbal tea and popsicles
brother ford who brought me chicken noodle soup
julie hawke for picking up my slack when it came to grading
kind texts from neighbors and good friends
home teachers who administered a blessing
lauren who lent me her bike and offered to rub my back

i think back to my dear friend melanie kau who passed away almost a year ago and the example she set.  she let people serve her and love her during her battle with cancer without once being too proud or timid to ask for help.

i hope to become like melanie--accepting, humble, yet so strong in the eyes of the Lord.  to one day be like brother ford, wise and quiet as i serve and love all those around me. ultimately, i hope to become like christ, to follow his example and to not only serve but, to also accept the service of others.

i am surrounded by loving people, good examples, and helping hands.

it's times and moments like these where i can say without a doubt that "i am good".  

we love marx

false consciousness in action.

the aloha state

it's been a while since i have updated this little blog of mine-- partly due to my angst toward social media (malignant narcissism at its finest) and partly due to the fact that i have been running around like a chicken with its head chopped off.

but, despite my work load, the packing, the hours on a plane, and school starting again i am one happy girl.

i am back to my little island, to my best friends, to a new home, and a new semester.

i am filled with so much excitement and anticipation for the upcoming months. 

i love my house, my major, my professors, and my jobs.

i feel so blessed to be able to attend this university and to be surrounded by the people with whom i associate.

good vibrations over hurrrrr.

lessons from the rain

i'm sitting here, quit alone in an airport 2594 miles away from my beloved hawaii and 652 miles from my beautiful utah.  there is no one around, except a janitor who is meticulously mopping the moving-sidewalk in front of me. my thoughts and emotions are keeping me company.

it's incredible to me how life turns out.  eight months ago, i was unsure of my decision to head back to byu-hawaii for school and i had sworn off any possibility of dating.  the angst toward both of those topics had me feeling a range of emotions i never thought possible.  maybe my unease about hawaii was in part, due to a boy, maybe i was scared and selfish, or just comfortable in utah with my family and friends.  i don't know why i stepped onto that plane last september, i don't know why i didn't just stay in provo, transfer to UVU and live at home.  it would have been an easy thing to do and i know i would've been happy.  but instead, i boarded that plane, i did go back to byu hawaii, and even more shocking, i fell in love.

trying to explain my love for hawaii, school and that certain boy would be hard to do.  in fact, i am tempted to leave it at, "all three have changed my life" but, that would not be fair to any of them.

there is no place on earth like hawaii, and even more specifically laie.  it is sacred and pure, beautiful and untouched.  no feeling on earth can replace the one of cruising on a longboard down kulanui street or biking kamehamea highway, catching your first wave at malekahana's or looking up into the night sky and feeling the infinite glory of God as you see millions of stars shining down on you.  it's magical, there really is no other way to describe it.  the saying: "there must be something in the water" has become very real to me-- i can tell you there is something in the water that surrounds that little island.  and once you drink it, once that fabulous liquid slides down your throat, it quenches a thirst you never knew existed.  that craving will always remain and while it does, it begs you to take another sip.

i've battled the idea of transferring schools one too many times.  sometimes i want something bigger, something with more variety and other times, i am trying to satisfy the desires of loved ones, but many times, i just ache for change. over the past year, this desire has been fighting a hard battle and it's given up.  i love my school, the diversity, my major.  i love the small classes, the intimate relationships i am able to have with many of my professors and i love that i attend a university where my religion surrounds me.

about seven months ago, there was a broadcast of the general relief society meeting and at the same time, a musical fireside. i had friends attending the broadcast, but for some unknown reason, i chose the latter of the two.  how thankful i am that i did!  i had the first of many conversations with bobby that night and i have to admit, although it was simple and driven by nerves, it will always remain one of my favorites. the future between the two of us is very unknown and unclear but i can say that without a doubt in my mind, bobby has been exactly what i have needed in my life. his kindness, patience, and love for the gospel surpass mine on every level and i am so thankful for every moment i have been able to spend with that tall, dark and handsome boy.

i have learned so much these past moths.  life is complicated, hard, and full of questions without answers but, that is what makes it so perfect, so mysterious, and so absolutely wonderful.  God has blessed me beyond my understanding and i have felt his love for me on a daily basis.  the warmth of His love and the sunshine have kept my whole this past year and i can't wait until the day i return to the sandy shores and towering palm trees of my own, little slice of heaven. 

the end is here

{you should follow me on pinterest}

i finished my finals yesterday--
goodbye sophomore year, hello upper-classman status!
this means it is time for a break from anything and everything school-related.  

shopping, eating, beach time, and surfing are all on the menu.

then it is home to utah. 

i really don't know what i am going to do without the sun, sand, water, palm trees and blue sky.
any suggestions?

cultured

there are around seventy different countries represented at my school and this evening, a whole lot of them made an appearance at culture night.  i love the excitement, passion, and love that each of these students have for their life, background, and heritage.
attending events like these make me wish i was something other than white. 

my school is pretty rad.

 

 

my favorite club?

probably tongan...

because of this boy.

let me open up

i am almost 20.  it's a bit freaky to realize that.  right now, my thoughts are a whirlwind.  i had a discussion with my mom the other day that put me in a really pensive mood.  it's tough hearing that you are living a life that may not be consistent with what your parents and loved ones want.  i am not drinking or smoking, i don't have a tattoo on my ankle or piercings all over my body, but i am and have broken away from my families stereotype and that has thrown everyone for a loop.  i am not living in provo, i am not a business major, and my career path doesn't entail me making millions.  i don't plan on marrying a doctor, or a lawyer, or driving fancy cars.

i have established a new comfort zone, miles away from the one i knew for eighteen years of my life and get this- i am happy and i love my life.  i love my friends, my job, surfing, the simplicity of an island, and what i am studying.  it feels right and it feels good.  i have never understood math, or science, language learning, or history and the technicalities of english through me for a loop.  but this whole "hippy-save-the-world-peacebuilding" thing makes sense and i get it.  i wish everyone could.  i am not smoking pot, i don't have dreads, and i don't believe in free love.  maybe hawaii has changed me but that isn't a bad thing.  i am not as naive as i once was and i know i have made decisions that i shouldn't have but, i am still conservative, i still go to church, have a testimony, and i still desire to settle down and have a family.  i am still mckenzie.

i have dreams of living outside of mediocrity and i will make them happen.  i know what i am doing and who i am but, i get lost and confused all the time.  i am scared for the future, i make mistakes.  i don't know exactly where i will end up or who i will become but i am taking things day by day, learning, and growing.  the waves haven't stopped, but i have learned how to surf.

something special for you...

just a little homework tonight.

i think i'm gonna die-ie-ie.

#ilovemidterms

put your best suit or dress on, this is the new year

2011 has been an incredible year!

i survived a tsunami, had awesome missionary experiences, went on adventures with new friends, got jimmered, started the bible, went on more adventures with friends, swam with wild dolphins and snuck on to the ship used for the filming of pirates of the caribbean, was in a movie or two, turned 19, lived in hawaii, finished my freshman year of college and started my sophomore year, said goodbye to best friends, crafted up a storm, learned how to surf, soaked up the sun, made memories with my family, cut my hair 1, 2, and 3 times, met some pro surfers, made tough decisions, and mourned the loss of loved ones.
---
this past year i have grown in ways i didn't know possible and i am excited for a new year full of daring adventures and crazy experiences.  

i am terrible when it comes to setting resolutions but this quote seemed to sum up my aspirations for  2012.

---

Promise Yourself:

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.  

 Christian D. Larson
---
if i can accomplish at least one item on that list, i will be a happy camper.

my two-edged sword

i'm feeling pretty powerful right now because it's over--

i am done with fall semester 2011.

party time, excellent.

what i keep telling my reflection

i feel like i am a pretty ambitious person.  i like to plan, get things done, and cross items off my many lists. however, there are moments when i seem to have a piano tied to my rear-end and i have no motivation to make anything happen.  maybe the scars on my legs aren't from mosquito bites...
 
this song is getting me through finals.  headphones in, the end is in sight.

busy as a bee

what does that saying even mean? 

are bees that busy?

i don't think so, pollenating flowers sounds like child's play.

i wish i was a bee.

school is consuming my time. gosh, i can't wait to have these next two weeks over with. 

also, i highly recommend you check out this link:

elf yourself 

happy holidays!!

you know what this means?

seventeen days, two surf comps, two ten page research papers, two media presentations, two tests, one seven hour flight

and i'll be home to...

one big happy family,  two best friends, a cozy bed, my cuddly dogs, a christmas tree,  pretty lights, skiing, snow-shoeing, tales from foreign countries, a wedding, stockings hung by the chimney with care, a toasty fire, plentiful food, white snow, hot chocolate, boots, scarves, jackets, hats.

hello december, 

i am so very glad you are here.

for the mom and pops

i have the best parents in the world.  packages from my mom filled with sugar cookies, new clothes, decorations, fall leaves, and pictures?  nothing better i tell you.  and conversations on the phone with my number one dad, are always the best.

i also really enjoy finding out that i got a 91 out of 100 on a paper that is worth a large chunk of my grade from a professor who is suppose to be very hard to please.

the same class that i received that 91% has turned out to be one of my favorites.  groups, leadership, and culture.  my teacher is chad ford (type his name in on google, he's kinda a big deal) and every time i leave that class, my mind is blown.  seriously, blown.  we talk about the deepest of subjects and what i love is that we are able to tie it all back to the gospel.

here's one example of how my mind has been boggled:

the first day of class my professor handed out note cards and told each student to write down the name of every group they felt they belonged to.  here's what i came up with: 

i am a king, i am a sanders, i am a young single adult, i am a mormon, i am a teenager, i am a byuh student, i am a member of timpview high's graduating class of 2010, i am a blogger, i am a byu fan, i am from provo utah, i live in the riverbottoms, i am an english speaker, i am caucasian, i am norwegian, i am blonde, i am conservative, i am a ICS major, i am a sophmore, i am human, i am a skier, i live off campus, i am female, i facebook, i am american, i am skinny, i am an athlete, i am an outdoor enthusiast, i am a college student, i am a child of god, i live on the north shore, i am a haole, i surf, i am a nanny, i attend relief society

after we had made our lists, my professor said something that i will never forget:

"groups not only tell us who we are but who we aren't"

think of all the stigmas that come with each group i listed. 

needless to say, i left class asking myself the same question as this guy:

we discussed how groups only exist because we create them.  at this point my mind exploded.
what would our world be like if there were no groups?  the groups we belong to influence us so heavily and as i have started to pay closer attention to this fact, i have become more aware of the power of group think.  i so often judge people based on the fact that they don't belong to a certain one of my groups, i judge them because they are not part of the "us" they are "them".
this is a little discouraging.  the world is so complicated and it is filled with problems and i have a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
how can one person make a difference?
how can i make a difference?
how can i "be the change i wish to see in the world"?

i don't have the answers to all these questions but, i am trying find them.
maybe i'll be like the guy above and open a center for kids who can't read good and wanna learn to do other stuff good too.  
but, hopefully one day i can be like this guy or this girl
OR
i'll grow up to be just like my mom (i've told you how awesome she is) and that will be alright with me.

not to rub it in or anything...

   

bike riding, cliff jumping, surfing, stand-up, swimming, sun bathing, relaxing, cookie-eating, laughing, dating,  sleeping, chatting

what was your first weekend back in school like?

opposite of adults

and so i am off, to prove to my dad that i am not a fool.  although, that may be a hard task considering the fact that he already thinks i am foolish for attending college in hawaii and majoring in international cultural studies.  but, the choice has been made and the adventure has begun.  i am settled into my humble abode, my cupboards are stocked, and my tuition is paid.  my freshman year changed my life so i have high expectations for this year.  

let's get ready to rumble.

i gotta get through this.

MY BRAIN IS FRIED

and my eyes are blood shot from lack of sleep.

finals week?
ooooh-em-gosh. 

i would rather cheese grate my wrists and do hand stands in lemon juice.

And there you have it.
this too shall pass.
with horrible grades?
i sure as heck hope not.